In an age where we’re constantly distracted by our devices, you could argue that the art of genuine conversation is on the decline.
Celeste Headlee’s brilliant TED talk, “10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation”, is a wonderful study on the art of conversation. We work in communication, so naturally we felt compelled and inspired to share it.
And just in case you prefer to read, here are the 10 ways:
- Don’t multitask
When having a conversation with somebody, be present. Don’t be half in and half out, be all the way in or leave the conversation entirely. Listen with your entire body, and seek to understand rather than just to reply.
- Don’t pontificate
Enter a conversation assuming you have something to learn. Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.
- Use open-ended questions
If you ask a leading question, you will get a narrow response. You can only reply “yes” or “no” to a question like, “Did that make you angry?” Instead, ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” Allow them to recall and give you their own thoughts, uninfluenced by your phrasing.
- Go with the flow
When you’re in a conversation, anecdotes, stories and questions will pop up in your mind. If the situation calls for them to be expressed, then express away! But if it doesn’t, you have to let those thoughts come and go. Otherwise, you won’t be listening as intently because you’ll simply be waiting for the opportunity to express the thought you’re hanging on to.
- If you don’t know, say you don’t know
There’s nothing wrong with being humble and willing to learn. If you have a question, just ask! If you haven’t heard of something you’re assumed to have heard of, point out that you haven’t heard of it. Chances are, someone else is interested in the answer, and by asking the question yourself, you permit others to be curious as well.
- Don’t equate your experience with theirs
If someone tells you about the loss of a family member, or any other significant experience, don’t start talking about the time something similar happened to you. Listen to and seek to understand their experience. Respect that every experience is unique.
- Don’t repeat yourself
You don’t have to make a point multiple times. If it isn’t received, then it isn’t received. If you’re having a debate, then make sure you add new information when you reply.
- Stay out of the weeds
The details don’t matter. If you’re struggling to remember a specific year, name or place, save yourself the struggle and move on. People aren’t interested in details, they’re interested in you. They want to know what you’re like, and what you have in common.
- Listen
The most important of the ten, great conversation means being a great listener. Nobody ever listened their way out of a job.
- Be brief
Get to the point. Celeste’s sister says it best in the video, “A great conversation is like a miniskirt. Short enough to maintain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.”
